I AM WHO HE SAYS I AM







Tuesday, March 23, 2010

SLI - week 6

Our assignment for this week was to read CHAPTERS 10 AND 11 and answer the following questions:

1. Based on Chapter 10, in all truthfulness, has your historical tendency been to view men (generally speaking) as gods? Or devils?

2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between men’s insecurities and women’s?

3. On p.208 in Chapter 11, I suggest that women who struggle with insecurity tend to be particularly taken with 2 divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. Did either of these resonate with you? If so, how?

My Answers:


1. Gods or devils...probably a little of both. I allowed them too much power over me. Boys, men, I was who they wanted me to be. I was happy if they were happy. I felt responsible if they weren't. I always wondered what I did wrong. And when they disappointed me, and they always did, they became devils. But in reality, they were neither gods nor devils. They were simply guys who I looked to for everything they couldn't give me. And it hurt. It still hurts.

2. First of all, I was so wrapped up in my own insecurities that I never considered that men have them too. After all, they are the ones who caused most of mine, so what did they have to feel insecure about?

Differences? Based on my life, at this moment, my man's insecurities are mostly about me and the kids. Is he providing enough for US? Is he letting US down? Is he giving US what he thinks we need. Is he being a good father. Is he being a good husband. He wants all those things for US. My insecurities are all about me. Am I pretty enough, thin enough, good enough, nice enough...for him to want to stay with me. I don't know, I feel like my insecurities are more selfish than his. Does that make sense?

3. Beth, you are bang on about the need for control being directed toward those who have the most potential to either threaten our security or strengthen it. Although I don't tend to control my man, sometimes I manipulate the situation to meet my need. But I definitely try to control my children for fear that they will do the things I did that ended me up where I am right now - reading a book about insecurity =)

I'd like to make a comment about another part of chap. 11 where you wrote, there is knowing and there is knowing too much. My husband had an affair about 5 years ago, an emotional affair, as far as I know, but an affair none the less. A kind that I would say, hurts more than a physical one because there is so much more intamacy involved. He was giving to her, what I craved; attention and time. Since then I have come to understand why it happened and I have forgiven him. Like I've said before, he is a different man today thanks to God. I felt the Spirit telling me that I needed to forgive the other woman too. I know that thought didn't come from me! But a couple of days later, I found her on facebook and sent her a simple message "I forgive you". She answered back "I'm sorry". But then I was wanting to know why, and what, and how. I wanted to know if what my husband had told me about it was the same as she would say. I wanted to know if my husband had lied about what and when and how it happened. I know without a doubt that those thoughts were from my flesh, not God. I was even more sure when I read the part about knowing and knowing too much and what could come from it. After more thought, I knew I didn't want to go there because it didn't matter anymore. And I want it to remain that way. I'm not the same person and neither is my husband. The 2 individuals that existed 5 years ago don't exist anymore. That affair is part of "their" lives, not ours. Some questions are really best unanswered. That part of chapter 11 has saved me from opening a can of worms I'm not strong enough to handle. Thank you!


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