If I Was A Child Again

I never thought to actually have homework again but I was wrong. Amanda came to me last week and told me that her English teacher had given her homework that included me doing an essay in the form of a letter. My assignment was to write her (Amanda) a letter explaining what would make the world a better place from my perspective using "if I was a child again".
I thought to post it because it's all part of what I think God is preparing me for. I have such a heart for young girls and want so desperately to help as many as I can to be confident, embrace who they are and celebrate their uniqueness. I'd love nothing more than to help them through the very difficult time of being a teenager. If I could save just one girl from experiencing the feelings of worthlessness that I felt I would be happy. So this letter is not just addressing Amanda really; it is to all those young kids out there who feel that they are not valuable.

...Dear Amanda,

The world can be a better place. It only takes 1 person to make a change in one other person’s life who will then make a change in another’s life. It is the pay it forward concept. If I could go back and live my life again, perhaps I would do it differently.

For instance, if I were a child again, I would be more confident. I would know who I was and wouldn’t let another child tell me I was not good enough because I wore glasses or didn’t wear the latest clothes. I would be happy with what I was given and walk with my head held high. I would know that confidence doesn’t come from the outside but from the inside.

If I were a child again, I would love myself a little more. I would know that God created me perfectly and with intent. I would know that not one hair on my head was a mistake. I would know that even when the world made me feel unloved or unwanted, or unworthy, I would know that God loves me no matter what. When I didn’t feel like I fit it, I would know that I wasn’t alone. I would make sure that no one else felt alone either.

If I were a child again, I would know that I was unique and I was meant to be unique. I wasn’t meant to be just like everyone else. I would know that it was O.K. that I didn’t look like Miley Cyrus because I wasn’t meant to; just like she wasn’t meant to look like me. I would embrace the color of my eyes and the body I was given. I wouldn’t compare myself to others. And I would tell others not to do it either.

If I were a child again, I would know that I had something valuable to offer. I would know that I was likeable and could be a good friend. I would believe that my friends liked me for who I was and weren’t pretending just to be nice. I would know that I wasn’t just tolerated. I would know that my friends liked me because I was funny and generous and fun to be around. I would make sure that others felt valued as well. I would go out of my way to make sure everyone had a friend and felt included.

If I were a child again, I would not let the people around me define who I was. I would not believe them when they said I was ugly and was dressed funny. I would not believe them when they said hurtful things. I would not listen when they called me names. I would not let them make me cry. I would know that I wasn’t any of those things and if they just got to know me they would know that too. I would not stand by and watch the same thing happen to someone else. I would stand up for myself and others.

If I were a child again, I would understand that the world could let me down but that God never would. I would know that I always had Him to count on. I would rely on Him to get me through each day. And I would encourage others to do the same.

If I were a child again I would realize that the world is not a perfect place. I would realize that hate has a history. I would know that each person causing hurt has been hurt. If I was a child again, I would try to find a way to stop it before it was too late. Sweetheart, you are still a child and you can change things now so that you do not have to think back to another time and wonder “if I was a child again”. It is your time to make a difference in this world so that it is a better place for your children.

My personal wish for you is to always feel loved and cherished. Not because I love you with all my heart, but because God loves you with all of His. When the world lets you down, know that God will hold you up. When you look in the mirror and doubt what you see, know that God sees Himself when He sees you. You were made perfect and with intent. Not a single part of you was a mistake. You were placed on this earth with a purpose and for a purpose. I pray that you will know this in your heart so that you can pass on this legacy to your children who in turn will pass it on to theirs.

I am so grateful to God for giving me the honour and privilege of being your mother. You give my life purpose. You are the reason I get up in the morning and my inspiration to be a better person. You are my precious girl and I love you.

With all my heart,

Mom XOXO

Lord, lead me, I will follow.

So here I am getting ready to go on a trip with 5 other women. We're going to the National Women's Leadership Forum at Ridgecrest, North Carolina. Me going to a leadership forum. Who'd have thought it. Me who was told repeatedly that I was a follower. Me who believed it all these years. But I'm going. I was even asked to go and was reminded of my leadership role at my church when I contested that I didn't have a right to go because I was not a leader. And now, not only am I going, but excited to go! I'm counting down the days and wonder how long this week will seem having 6 more days to wait. But wait I must. A test in patience perhaps?



Patience has never been one of my more endearing qualities. And today, I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me in North Carolina. I have been praying for direction and am hoping that I will return from this trip with a clearer path. I sense where God is leading me but I need to be sure. Actually, I know where my heart is but need to know where to go from here. That's what I'm hoping to find out. I've been feeling like I'm being groomed. I feel like God has been speaking to me through others. He has been breaking my heart throug the pain of others. A young girl, the daughter of a friend of mine, being told that she is ugly and believing it. The daughter of another friend saying that she has nothing interesting to offer as a friend or woman. Believing that she will never marry because she has nothing to attract a husband. It breaks my heart.



God has brought me to this very moment in my life for a purpose. He did not allow me to suffer as these girls have for nothing. My heart breaks for them because I too have been where they are. I need to change things and show these hurting souls that God loves them above all. They need to feel the confidence of Christ. I want them to be able to look in the mirror and love what they see. I need them to break the cycle that took me far too long to even crack. I'm not fully there yet but perhaps my hope will rest in them? Maybe my chains will finally break when theirs do? God has been preparing me for this task. He has mapped out my past, my present and my future. My past hurts, my present struggles and my future hope. I am so looking forward to seeing what He has in store for me. Together we can change the way young girls feel about themselves so that no earthly being could ever alter it. Young girls need to know it in their heart that they belong and that they are loved. That they are valued as a person and not just an object. They need to know that they are "somebody". And not just anybody but God's beloved daughter. That is my purpose. That is my mission. Lord, now I need your help, please.

Amanda got braces!

There is something about a tween that wears braces that makes her look older. It's almost like a right of passage into the teen years.

Amanda still looks beautiful even with her mouth full of metal. She will have a perfect smile in a couple of years. She didn't like her teeth because she has such a big over bite and she never smiled with her mouth open for pictures. Now that she has braces she said she can smile now. Funny how her mind works!

Sugar Shack

What is winter without a day at the sugar shack? Although there is no snow on the ground anymore, we still got to participate in the french canadian tradition of "cabane à sucre". They had to pour the taffy on a pan of snow that must have been kept in a freezer, but I didn't care, the boiled maple syrup (tire sur la neige) was deeeee-licious! The food was good, the company even better. There is nothing like sharing this tradition with a group of friends and family. There was even a live singer who played his tunes on his guitar and sang some traditional french canadian songs. A couple of my friends even got into it and started playing the "spoons". It was a lot of fun! The only thing missing was Paul. Hubby was in the Bahamas on business and playing a couple games of golf between meetings and will only be getting home tonight. It's too bad he wasn't there, we need a new family picture! The last one we have of all 4 of us is 9 years ago! I guess there is always next year.

Lifted up

It's amazing how a simple email or open honesty on a bublic forum of strangers can have such a tremendous impact on someone. I was blown away today by an email I received from a total stranger who had read something I posted on a blog somewhere. I don't even know what she read only that I wrote it. My honesty, the words I wrote, spoke to her enough that she felt inclined to send me an e-card to thank me. Me. No one special. Or at least no more special than the next person. I'm not famous, I haven't accomplished anything big or anything, I'm just me. And yet the words this stranger sent me were powerful enough to lift my spirits. She made me feel special and like I had contributed something meaningful to someone out there in cyberspace. I'm so taken aback that I have trouble putting into words what she has done for me and all because she says I'm doing something special for others. She said I was appreciated! And gifted. Me. I'm utterly speechless! She has brought humble tears to my eyes.

This is what she sent me:

"You have been on my mind quite a bit this week.
I keep thinking of how gifted you are at reaching
out to new comers, and people that are quiet and
bashful. You make them feel accepted and WELCOMED
that is quite special. GOD has great plans for you.
KEEP looking UP and allowing HIM to work in your
life. You are truly appreciated."

Being told that I have made someone feel good, makes me feel like I've contributed to something so much bigger than myself. It makes me feel significant. Perhaps my life has purpose after all. Praise God for our unique stories! Praise Him for giving us something to encourage others with. Praise Him for the pain we've endured which makes us stronger. Praise Him for who we are and where we came from. Praise Him for the ability to share honestly, knowing we are protected by Him. Praise Him for people like Nicole who go the extra distance to say thank you to a total stranger and for making this stranger feel good about herself. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

SLI - week 6

Our assignment for this week was to read CHAPTERS 10 AND 11 and answer the following questions:

1. Based on Chapter 10, in all truthfulness, has your historical tendency been to view men (generally speaking) as gods? Or devils?

2. Based on Chapter 10 and your own day-to-day observances, what differences do you see between men’s insecurities and women’s?

3. On p.208 in Chapter 11, I suggest that women who struggle with insecurity tend to be particularly taken with 2 divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. Did either of these resonate with you? If so, how?

My Answers:

1. Gods or devils...probably a little of both. I allowed them too much power over me. Boys, men, I was who they wanted me to be. I was happy if they were happy. I felt responsible if they weren't. I always wondered what I did wrong. And when they disappointed me, and they always did, they became devils. But in reality, they were neither gods nor devils. They were simply guys who I looked to for everything they couldn't give me. And it hurt. It still hurts.

2. First of all, I was so wrapped up in my own insecurities that I never considered that men have them too. After all, they are the ones who caused most of mine, so what did they have to feel insecure about?

Differences? Based on my life, at this moment, my man's insecurities are mostly about me and the kids. Is he providing enough for US? Is he letting US down? Is he giving US what he thinks we need. Is he being a good father. Is he being a good husband. He wants all those things for US. My insecurities are all about me. Am I pretty enough, thin enough, good enough, nice enough...for him to want to stay with me. I don't know, I feel like my insecurities are more selfish than his. Does that make sense?

3. Beth, you are bang on about the need for control being directed toward those who have the most potential to either threaten our security or strengthen it. Although I don't tend to control my man, sometimes I manipulate the situation to meet my need. But I definitely try to control my children for fear that they will do the things I did that ended me up where I am right now - reading a book about insecurity =)

I'd like to make a comment about another part of chap. 11 where you wrote, there is knowing and there is knowing too much. My husband had an affair about 5 years ago, an emotional affair, as far as I know, but an affair none the less. A kind that I would say, hurts more than a physical one because there is so much more intamacy involved. He was giving to her, what I craved; attention and time. Since then I have come to understand why it happened and I have forgiven him. Like I've said before, he is a different man today thanks to God. I felt the Spirit telling me that I needed to forgive the other woman too. I know that thought didn't come from me! But a couple of days later, I found her on facebook and sent her a simple message "I forgive you". She answered back "I'm sorry". But then I was wanting to know why, and what, and how. I wanted to know if what my husband had told me about it was the same as she would say. I wanted to know if my husband had lied about what and when and how it happened. I know without a doubt that those thoughts were from my flesh, not God. I was even more sure when I read the part about knowing and knowing too much and what could come from it. After more thought, I knew I didn't want to go there because it didn't matter anymore. And I want it to remain that way. I'm not the same person and neither is my husband. The 2 individuals that existed 5 years ago don't exist anymore. That affair is part of "their" lives, not ours. Some questions are really best unanswered. That part of chapter 11 has saved me from opening a can of worms I'm not strong enough to handle. Thank you!

Chapter 9 of So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore

This chapter was a big one for me.  I hope that whoever is reading this will find the courage to read Beth's book.  It has been the vessel I needed to begin breaking down the big wall I've built around me over the years. With every hurt and disappointment I've endured, another brick would be placed on my wall until it was so high, even I couldn't see over it.  That wall is coming down, brick by miserable brick!  I can finally see over it and let me tell you, the grass IS greener on the other side!

On March 11th...

I don't know why I haven't been able to do chapter 9 yet. I think I'm a little frightened. A little insecure maybe? I'd be asking God to take away all my insecurities but what happens if He does? I'm afraid that without some insecurity that I may become OVER confident and I so don't want that. If I'm too confident I'm afraid that I won't be able to relate with others who are insecure. There is such comfort in knowing you're not alone. I'm just thinking out loud right now...please forgive me...I'm hoping that through everyone's comments I will feel compelled to go ahead and read it without any hesitation.

On March 17th I wrote:
 I finally had the courage to read Chapter 9! There is something to be said about a beautiful sunny warm day to feel like God is all around you. I was sitting out on my swing and felt Him nudge me to go ahead and read it. I felt Him say, it's O.K. I'm right here with you, you can do it. So I did. My first reaction is WOW! I feel like I was turned inside out. In a good way. I felt like all the ugly truths I've believed for so long were taken captive by God in the moment I spoke the words. I'm sure I will have to re-read it every now and again because I'm flesh and blood and will need reminding of who I am in Christ. But I know without a doubt that God knows I will struggle occasionally and that He will be there right beside me to remind me that He is bigger than anything and that He loves me the way I am because He formed me and He does not make mistakes. I will have to read this prayer again to keep me in my place.

REDEEMING LOVE a novel by FRANCINE RIVERS

This book is amazing!  I couldn't put it down.  A must read! - Wendy


From Amazon.com
In this splendid retelling of the biblical story of Hosea, bestselling author Francine Rivers pens a heartbreaking romance between a prostitute and the upright and kind farmer who marries her; the story also functions as a reminder of God's unconditional love for his people. Redeeming Love opens with the Gold Rush of 1850 and its rough-and-tumble atmosphere of greed and desire. Angel, who was sold into prostitution as a child, has learned to distrust all men, who see her only as a way to satisfy their lust. When the virtuous and spiritual-minded Michael Hosea is told by God to marry this "soiled dove," he obeys, despite his misgivings. As Angel learns to love him, she begins to hope again but is soon overwhelmed by fear and returns to her old life. Rivers shines in her ability to weave together spiritual themes and sexual tension in a well-told story, a talent that has propelled her into the spotlight as one of the most popular novelists in the genre of Christian fiction. This is one of her best. --Cindy Crosby

Truth is the only way

Ever do something with the best intentions and it ends up hurting the person you were trying to avoid hurting?  I did that today.  And the result hurt me so much knowing that I was part of the cause that hurt someone else.  I think sometimes it sucks more knowing that you caused someone pain than to be the person who was hurt.  Well it is for me anyways.  Especially when I have felt exactly what this friend felt but at the hands of someone else.  This time it was me who was responsible and I am so sorry!  My advice to anyone reading this; honesty is always the best policy even if you think the truth may hurt.  Trying to spare someone's feelings by telling lies is not the way to go because when the truth comes out not only did you hurt their feelings but you lied too which hurts them even more.  Especially when you find out that had you told the truth in the first place, their feelings would not have been hurt the way you thought they would have been.  Again, I feel horrible and I am so sorry!  Be honest!

Revelations

I walked into bible study this morning feeling quite guilty.  I didn't do my homework.  I wasn't going to be able to participate in the discussion because I wasn't going to know what they were talking about.  So I was prepared to be quiet.  It may have been planned that way from Someone who sees what we don't.  I think I was meant to listen today rather than talk (which is something I don't do well naturally).  So I listened.  One of the women was visibly emotional.  She isn't usually so before she spoke I knew something was up.  I wasn't prepared to hear what she said.  To be honest it scared the %@*! out of me.  Especially when a second woman spoke up and after I had thought it right after the earth quake in Haiti.  She said that she has had incredible feelings that Jesus was coming soon.  Which means "Revelations".  I don't know much about the book or Revelations but I have heard snippets about it.  One of the things I know is that there will be signs, BIG signs, like natural desasters.  There would be 7 years of things like that happening and it would mean the end is near.  Well with the Sunami, and now three big earthquakes in 3 months and the weird weather changes and that movie 2012, it had me thinking this already and then for 2 other people to bring it up?  What if it's true?  What if the end is near?  My first though was not for me but for my children.  What if they are not saved when the time came?  What if they haven't accepted Jesus in their heart?  What of all my loved ones who are not Christians?  It put a fear in me!  I left that room at study thinking "I have to step it up!"  For my kids' sake, I need to step it up and make sure that there is no doubt that Jesus lives in them so that when the time comes I won't have to worry about it.  But then I think, "what if I think I'm saved and I'm not?"  I think i am but what if God doesn't believe me?  What if I'm left behind?  I don't want to be left behind!  I want that existence in Heaven.  I want to experience that ultimate freedom!  I don't want to be left behind!

So what do I do?  How do I guarentee that my loved ones as well as myself will be guarenteed a place in Heaven?  Do I panic and read my Bible frantically?  Do I make the kids read their Bible?  Do I try to convince them that they HAVE to make that connection with Christ and invite Him into their hearts?  Do I need to tell them it's a matter of life and death?  Do I need to put a fear in them?  Do I tell them I'm afraid that if they don't accept Jesus into their hearts that they will be left behind and I don't want them to be?

Will I see all my loved ones in Heaven?  I don't want to be separated from them.  What if some make into Heaven and some don't?  All these scary questions.  I don't know what to do with them.  Part of me wants to read the book of Revelations but part of me is afraid to. I don't want to live in fear of the end of times.  But if I'm not afraid, will I step it up for my kids' sake?  Is this what God is trying to tell me?  That I need to step it up?

A Safe Place - Max Lucado Daily

“They knew nothing about what was happening until the flood came and destroyed them. It will be the same when the Son of Man comes.” Matthew 24:39

Noah was sent to save the faithful. Christ was sent to do the same. A flood of water came then. A flood of fire will come next. Noah built a safe place out of wood. Jesus made a safe place with the cross. Those who believed hid in the ark. Those who believe are hidden in Christ.

Greek Style Orzo - a Rachlel Ray Recipe

Made this as part of our dinner last night and it was quite yummy.

•1/2 pound orzo pasta

•1 red onion, chopped

•1 green bell pepper, chopped

•1/2 cup pitted kalamata olives, coarsely chopped

•1 pint cherry tomatoes, halved

•1/2 cup flat leaf parsley, chopped

•1/2 pound Greek feta, crumbled

•3-4 Greek hot peppers, chopped or a couple of tablespoons banana pepper rings, chopped

PREPARATION:

Bring a large pot of water to a boil for the orzo pasta.

Heat a skillet with 2 tablespoons EVOO, two turns of the pan, over medium-high heat. Add the red onion and bell pepper, season with salt and pepper and cook for 5 minutes. Add the two cloves chopped garlic and toss for a minute, then add the olives and tomatoes to the pan and cook for a couple of minutes more. Drain the orzo and toss in a serving dish with the vegetables, along with the parsley, feta and hot peppers. Adjust the black pepper to your taste and drizzle with a little extra EVOO.

You Gotta Love Kids!

My daughter Amanda likes to be organized.  She loves lists.  One Christmas Paul and I got her one of those white boards to hang in her room because it was easier than keeping a bunch of post-its.  Most of the time she writes down her schedule on it.  Like, "get up", "get dressed", "brush teeth"...And sometimes if a friend is sleeping over, she'll write a welcome message.  Last month she was keeping track of her savings because she wanted to donate some money to Haiti for the relief fund.  So she wrote down what her goal was and every Friday, when she got her allowance, she'd update her board with what was left to reach her goal.  She ended up giving $50 to the charity.  It was her own money that she had been saving for weeks.  I was so inredibly proud of her as was the staff at her school when she brought it in and handed it over.

Well this month she has a new goal.  She wants to buy herself a mini laptop compurter.  Paul saw her board first and called me into her room to show my.  It was the cutest thing ever!  We had a little giggle over her enthusiasm.  This is what we saw:  

She is so precious!

It’s Not What You Do - Max Lucado Daily

This is something I need to reminding of, as do many I'm sure...

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Jesus Christ.” Romans 8:1 NIV


There is never a point at which you are any less saved than you were the first moment Christ saved you. Just because you were grumpy at breakfast doesn’t mean you were condemned at breakfast. When you lost your temper yesterday, you didn’t lose your salvation. Your name doesn’t disappear and reappear in the book of life according to your moods and actions . . .


You are saved, not because of what you do, but because of what Christ did.

Church was awesome!

I so needed this service.  I miss my Westview family when I'm not with them.  Not having Wednesday morning study, or Wednesday night home group, or Thursday night group, I so needed today!  The sermon was really good.  It's funny how it tied in with the book I've been reading (So Long Insecurity).  We were given keys as a symbol of something we usually keep even when we don't need them.  We tend to keep old keys that we don't even know what they open rather than throwing them out.  (Don't know why we do that, but we do)  The key was to symbolize old "baggage" that we don't need but that we hold onto.  We were told that we can give all that to Jesus and get rid of the baggage we hold onto.  He will know what to do with it, and we don't need to carry it any longer.  Steve (our pastor) told us that if we were ready to leave that old baggage to throw out the key on our way out of the sanctuary.  It was O.K. if we weren't quite ready to do it, that the decision was a personal one between us and God.  Not to throw it out just because someone else was.  I kept thinking of all that I'm overcoming thanks to the grace of God and Beth Moore's book that I was so able to throw that key out!  How liberating it was!!!

We Need A Shepherd - Max Lucado Daily

“The Lord is God. He made us, and we belong to him; we are his people, the sheep he tends.” Psalm 100:3

Sheep aren’t the only ones who need a healing touch. We also get irritated with each other, butt heads, and then get wounded. Many of our disappointments in life begin as irritations. The large portion of our problems is not lion-sized attacks, but rather the day-to-day swarm of frustrations and mishaps and heartaches.

A Great Gift - Max Lucado Daily

"I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters,’ says the LORD Almighty.” 2 Corinthians 6:18 NKJV


God did what we wouldn’t dare dream. He did what we couldn’t imagine. He became a man so we could trust Him. He became a sacrifice so we could know Him. And He defeated death so we could follow Him.


Only a Creator beyond the fence of logic could offer such a gift of love.

Finally, it's Sunday!

With no small groups during March break, I am so looking forward to going to church today!  I feel like I'm missing something important when I'm not at Bible studies, like my week is not complete.  So today will feel good!

Pork Kofta Pitas with Tomato Salsa

This yummy dish is what I made last night for dinner.  It was a hit!

Ingredients



1 lb (454 g) lean ground pork
2 green onion, minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tbsp (25 mL) minced fresh dill
1-1/2  tsp (7 mL) each paprika, and coriander
3/4 tsp (4 mL) salt
3/4 tsp (4 mL) ground cumin
1 egg, beaten
4 pita pockets, cut in half
1 cup (250 mL) sliced English cucumber
1/2 small red onion, thinly sliced


Tomato Salsa:

1 cup (250 mL) chopped seeded tomato
1 green onions, thinly sliced
1 tbsp (15 mL) minced fresh dill
1 tbsp (15 mL) lemon juice
1 tbsp(15 mL) extra-virgin olive oil
pinch  salt
pinch granulated sugar


Preparation:


Tomato Salsa:
In bowl, combine tomatoes, green onion, dill, lemon juice, oil, salt and sugar; let stand for 10 minutes.


In large bowl, mix together pork, green onions, garlic, dill, paprika, coriander, salt, cumin, egg and 1 tbsp (15 mL) water. Divide into 8 portions; form each into egg shape. Thread onto metal or soaked bamboo skewers.


Place on greased grill over medium heat; close lid and cook, turning once, until digital thermometer inserted into shapes reads 160°F (71°C), 10 minutes. Remove from skewers. Insert 1 kofta into each pita; add cucumber, onion and salsa.

 Source:
Canadian Living Magazine: September 2009

Insecurity and Pride?

I've been reading this book by Beth Moore called "So Long Insecurity, you've been a bad friend to us" and it's just amazing!  I have a hard time putting it down.  I've struggled with insecurity for as long as I can remember.  Wearing coke-bottle glasses from the age of 3, missing my 2 front teeth from the age of 2 to the age of 8 (or so) and my mom dressing me funny, it's no wonder!  Sorry mom, I know you did your best, but fashion was not one of your stronger areas. =)  When my front teeth finally grew back as adult teeth, they grew back with a space between them large enough to floss with a shoe lace!  And they were bucked!  I was a target for teasing like no other!  I developped a tough exterior but I was a crying mess on the inside.  I acted like I didn't care but I so longed to be accepted by my peers as one of them.  I had a few friends who didn't seem to care about what I looked like but it was all the others that made it so difficult.  I felt like a freak most of the time.  I remember my mom telling me I was beautiful and my answer to her was always, "you have to say that, you're my mother".  Bless her heart for trying.


Going into high school was no better.  Still wearing the coke-bottle glasses, but at least I had my front teeth which were now staight thanks to the investment of a mouth piece.  I started choosing my own clothes so that wasn't as bad either.  But I was taller than most of the boys and super skinny.  (Oh those were the days...to go back to being thin would be oh so good)  One boy called me "chicken legs in leotards".  Another boy called me "Garfield" because my glasses magnified my eyes so much.  It didn't help my self-imagae or my confidence having a sister who didn't wear glasses, had bigger boobs than me, and all the guys seemed to like her.  Me?  I had to settle for the occasional boy who took interest in me.  It didn't matter who he was, if he liked me, I liked him.  Sad isn't it?


There were many things that contributed to the insecurity I suffer from today but I won't go into detail about all of them.  Suffice to say, rejection on many levels by different people in my life played a big part in it.  I never felt good enough.  Those hurts, betrayals and disappointments followed me into adulthood and parenthood.


Insecurity has followed me into my marriage, my friendships and even my parenting.  It follows me wherever I go.  Looking at me from the outside, you'd never guess it but if you could see my soul, the insecurity would shine like a neon sign.  


But in the past 2 and 1/2 years, God has been working in my life.  Paul and I have been touched by God in a way that I never thought possible.  My husband (who has had his own share of hurts and betrayals and who has in turn contributed in a big way to mine) is a new man.  This man has become the man of my dreams.  He loves me and cherrishes me as his wife and mother of his children.  And in turn I am able to love him with everything that I have.  I have also been blessed with close friends who really know me to the core,  and who lovingly accept me for who I am.  And I now have a closer relationship with my parents (as a kid, I always felt like my sister was the favorite and that kept me from choosing a close relationship with my parents.  It was better than competing with my sister over that too.  Or at least that was how I felt.) Life is good now.


Anyways, to get back to the book, one chapter in particular jumped out at me.  Why? Because I would never have equated my insecurity with pride.  Pride?!  But it made sense.  Here's a little of what it said. 


"We're not the only women in our men's lives, and that hurts our pride."
"We're not the most gifted people alive, and that hurts our pride."
"We're not the first choice every time, and that hurts our pride."
"We're not someone's favorite, and that hurts our pride."
"We can't do everything ourselves, and that hurts our pride."
"We're not somebody else's top priority, and that hurts our pride."
"We don't feel special, and that hurts our pride."
"We don't get the promotion, and that hurts our pride."
"We don't win the fight, and that hurts our pride."
"We're not paid what we're worth, and that hurts our pride."
"We're not paid at all, and that really hurts our pride."


Because of this chapter, I am looking at insecurity differently.  I hear my inner voice saying, "poor baby, you're not..."  So what!  So I'm not the best at something, or not the best looking, or best dressed, model thin, or the best at a lot of things.  I can take comfort in knowing that I am God's best.  He created me and He doesn't make mistakes.  I am who He says I am, and that is perfection in His eyes.  He sees beyond what the human eye can see and He sees something beautiful.  He sees my heart.  I have Christ living inside me and that makes me perfect.  So enough with feeling sorry for myself, it's time to leave all that baggage at the foot of the cross.  I am not that scared, humiliated, hurt little girl anymore.  I am the daughter of THE King, which makes me His princess.  Being the daughter of a King gives me the authority to walk with my head held high, dignity intact and with His confidence.  AMEN!

Shayne's New Phone

Poor kid!  He bought himself a brand new cell phone a week ago yesterday.  He was so thrilled!  He finally had a texting phone (which according to him he needed.  I'd tend to agree with him since he texted 7200 texts last month!). 


Let me first say that the phone he originally wanted would have cost him $600.  Of course Paul and I put our foot down and said "absolutely not!" and went into this lecture about not needing a phone period.  That he's only 14 and does not need to spend that kind of money on a phone.  What if he lost it or broke it.  Then he'd be out $600!  We went on to say that it's a priviledge and not a right...you know the one.  Anyways, of course after about 3 seconds of that conversation all Shayne heard was "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!"  But we got the point across and he settled on the LG Xenon.  Not a bad phone if I do say so myself; it's the one I have and I quite like it. 


Well, he happily enjoyed his phone untill...he did a load of his laundry and forgot it in his sweatshirt pocket.  After about 15 minutes, he realized what he had done and ran down to the washer to get it out.  He was freaking out!  Swearing and all (which he apologized for later).  He gave it to me as if I could save his precious phone.  We got out my trusty blow dryer and did what we could.  Annie, his girlfriend suggested wrapping it in foil and putting it in the oven on a very low heat for awhile.  Then the guy at the store where we bought it said to stick it in a glass full of rice with a couple of chunks of salt.  I guess it's suppose to draw out any moisture?  I thought it was a little strange but Shayne was willing to try anything.  He figured he had nothing to lose.  So we did both.


Today the phone is working.  Don't know how but it works.  The only thing that he has to do is plug earphones into it to talk on it.  If the ear phones aren't plugged in, we hear nothing.  The texting works fine!  Phew!


The lesson in all of this?  Aside from not washing your phone of course.  The more you have, the more you stand to lose.  And of course, mom and dad are ALWAYS right! =)  I also told him that this was God's way of showing him that expensive things like a $600 phone is not needed.  That we should not put so much importance of having "stuff" that really isn't important in the big picture.  I think Shayne needed a little reminder to be grateful for everything he has even though it may not be the best or newest thing out there.  I think teens in general (with a few exceptions) need to be reminded of what the important things in life are.  And that material belongings are not one of them.  I think we all need that reminder every now and then.

Written by God's Girlz Rock

This is an exerp from someone who posted a comment on Beth Moore's "So Long Insecrurity" blog.  It really spoke to me and I felt encouraged by her words.  I just wanted to keep this as a reminder when I need it...

He (GOD) spoke directly to my soul.. reminding me of who I am and whose I am! ... He reminded me. I'm a princess too! Created for a royal purpose.. to bring honor to my King! More precious to him than rubies or diamonds! And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.. I don't have to be gorgeous in order to be beautiful (to Him). I don't have to be worthy in order to find my worth in Him. I don't have to be the best at what I do.. I just have to be willing to do His will. I don't have to be inferior or superior to anyone else..because I'm just enough for Him. I don't have to feel responsible for the bad choices of those around me or even feel like I deserved their abuse.. But I also don't have to nurture hate and unforgiveness for their cruelty because hurting people hurt other people. Being a victim isn't an indicator of my worth as a person. And I don't have to have confidence in my own abilities in order to put my faith in His ability! Because every single tragic circumstance of my life has been created and/or allowed for a "time such as this".

First Day as a Blogger

Wow, this whole blogger world is complicated!  I've spent most of the day trying to set up my blog page because of course, it has to be really cute.  There is so much to learn but I'm going to have to put it on hold for a little while because Amanda is not liking all this time away from her.  So I'd better step up as a mom and get off this thing!  Good night and see you soon. ♥

The Visitors - by a friend who wishes to remain anonymous

We all get so caught up in our every day lives that we forget the most important time of our day...our quiet time with God.

I think many of us can relate to this short story...

As dawn is breaking, I’m startled out of a deep sleep by the sound of the front doorbell ringing. I stumble out of bed and I make my way to answer the door. I’m surprised to see 3 people standing there. The first one is the Lord God Himself: My Heavenly Father, Abba, Daddy, Creator, All Sufficient One. Next, it’s the Lord Jesus Christ: My Saviour, Redeemer, Lamb of God who died on the cross or me. Last, it’s Holy Spirit--he wants to fill me up and give me everything I need to face the day ahead. All I have to do is ask. They gently smile and walk past me and all take seats in my living room. I say to them, “Sorry guys, but I’m really tired. I’m going back to bed for an hour.” They knowingly smile and nod at me as one of them quietly murmurs, “here we go again,” as I make my way back to my warm, cozy bed. When I get up an hour later, I’m startled to see that they’re still there as I stumble into the kitchen to start the coffee, make the lunches and do everything else to get the kids off to school. Once the kids are gone, I think “I better go and check on my visitors...but maybe I’ll go on Facebook first...just for a minute or two.” After two minutes turns into half an hour, I’ve kind of forgotten about my visitors who are patiently waiting to spend time with me....I start rushing around the house loading the dishwasher, answering e-mails, showering and then I hurry past them as I head out the door for Bible study. “Oh my goodness!” I think, “I forgot they were here. Maybe I’ll spend time with them after lunch out with the girls.” I return home later in the day tired, and as I walk into the house, I’m surprised that my visitors are still there waiting patiently for me to sit down and spend time with them. I feel annoyed and guilty. All I want to do is throw in a load of laundry and figure out what I’m going to make for supper. Maybe I’ll spend time with them after I watch “Oprah” and “Dr. Phil.” That always makes me feel better...getting my mind off of my own problems. But today, it makes me feel worse seeing the reality of how broken the world is. After “Dr. Phil,” I go straight to the computer to order the latest book that Oprah’s promoting: How to Find Strength from Within by her latest self-help guru who seemed to have it all figured out. Nothing else is working for me. I ask them to rush my order because I’d like to be feeling stronger by Friday. The 3 visitors are waving at me from the living room to get my attention, but I’m too excited about ordering my book to notice them. I get up from the chair feeling grumpy because I’ve just wasted 2 hours of my day and thinking how unfair it is that I’m always the one who has to make supper. “I’m so sick of taking care of everybody. Why can’t somebody take care of ME for a change?” I say under my breath. Then after the dishes and homework are done and the kids are in bed, all I want is a little down time watching T.V. with my husband. I don’t even notice that the 3 visitors are still waiting as I go off to bed feeling irritated at my husband because our life isn’t as romantic as life on “The Bachelor.” “If only he would lose some weight and work out. Then he’d have a body as nice as Jake’s,” I mutter to myself. As I drift off to sleep, I think , “Why am I feeling so distant from God, and why is it so hard for me to figure out His will for my life?” Sadly, the 3 visitors all look at each other and say, “we’ll come back tomorrow.” They let themselves out and gently close the door behind them but in their supernatural way continue to watch over me through the night in case I call out to them. Meanwhile, in the corner of my living room, Satan, who had discreetly slithered in with the other 3 visitors that morning, is doing his happy dance and says, “YES!!!” He’s won again! And you can bet, he’ll be back tomorrow too. Who will win the battle for my time then?